You know, somehow I always just assumed that the friends I wanted would
magically want to be my friend as well, and...
would KNOW via telekinesis that we should totally be friends. Well, no. Hate to break it to myself, but that's acutally NOT how it happens. Oh well.
If it were that easy EVERYONE would have friends, right?
Well reality is settling into my life right about now, and she is a SPEAKIN. I am, through her, learning some pretty challenging lessons about friendship.
I have to pursue the friends I want.
Why this never clicked in my brain until now (and oh yeah I forget it often) I really couldn't tell ya. However, I do know that the no one can read my mind (would be so much easier if they could) so if I see someone I want to be friends with I need to put in the work to introduce myself, and it IS WORK in order to bulk up some courage just to say a simple hello. How 'bout that?
My forever friends won't even know I exist unless I meet them, so I need to get out there and say wazzup. I pray through my fear of first impressions and just get to work. I observe the friend groups around me and put in the time to integrate myself in the one I think I can pour into best.
I'm doing this right now, and let me tell you, it's not easy. Friend groups are tight here and most people are cool with keeping their gangs small.
It's easy for me to think I missed my chance at a GREAT friend group because I didn't come in with the freshmen class my age. I graduated early feel like I am playing catch up to the juniors on campus. They have had 2 years to get connected and I have only had 2 semesters. But...
I also too far ahead to relate to the freshmen who just arrived. I haven't been around them in a while and am not always interested in what they are into, continuing to make me feel like an outsider...
ALL OF THAT SOUND A LITTLE COMPLICATED. yeah, cuz it is...
Finding some friends...some "really good" friends (cause perfection isn't real, so really good is the next best thing) is worth it! It's gotta be! AND I want some friggen good friends who love and pour into me as I love and pour into them.
I don't need to try to be friends with everyone...even if they are popular.
When I talk about friendships with my momma she usually says something like, "people are only popular because in your mind you decide they are popular. The moment you say that, to you, they aren't, then they aren't." Okay...
I am still taking this statement apart and trying to decipher what it means on an emotional level, but I think I get the jist of it....
I give people pedistals to stand on in my mind. If I don't give it to them, they don't have it.
Simple enough.
Everyone wants to be known and I am no exception. I want to be seen and understood, invited to everything and known by ALOT of people. I want to have a growing, enthusiatic community of fun loving God fearing people. However, I am not going to like everyone (and not everyone is going to like me). That's natural. There are too many people on the planet with differing opionions and backgrounds for them all to align to make this flourishing friendship. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.
So I can try to make it work, realize it's probably not gonna happen and just quietly slip out, letting the chips fall where they may. I can also stay and force something that doesn't even feel right. Either way, I decide...
There is alot more about friendships that is in my hands that I don't recognize. It always seemed to me that these friend groups I wanted to be apart of just so happened to come together and start hanging, but in reality somebody put in the work to invite and include those people into their lives. There is more effort there than can be seen on first glance. After talking with friends and snagging some opinions via Instagram polls I have gotten just a glimpse of the perspective of friendship that other people have...
And you know what they said?
That they all have to work to maintain their relationships too...hmm, isn't that funny...
Comments